Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Top 10 Relationship Wreckers

I wrote the article below for the February issue of our office newsletter. I was having second thoughts attending that huddle meeting for the February issue, as I already have an inclination that the February issue will be about love and relationships - two topics that I try to stay away from as much as possible. But the good employee side of me took over, and writing has been a good therapy for me, so I still attended the huddle meeting. And true enough, love and relationship was the theme of our February issue. I was again assigned the Top 10 topic - and this time, it was Top 10 relationship wreckers. I've checked and researched on several websites, and came up with the list and article below. I just realized that these are indeed eye-openers. How I wish I knew them before I got into those 3 failed relationships (one of which I consider as somehow the One who got away). Oh well.. useless crying over spilled milk. Perhaps, I'll keep these items in mind if ever I will still be fortunate enough to fall in love again..

February ushers in the spirit of love and relationships as Cupid paints the town red on Valentine’s Day. Indeed love and relationships are splendored things albeit the fact that they are fragile as glass or thin ice. In this top 10 issue, we look into some of the reasons why that fragile glass can get shattered.

1. The Cheating Hearts
This item should indeed be on the #1 slot. Trust is the foundation of any relationship. Cheating and dishonesty in the relationship breaks this basic foundation and makes the parties involved feel betrayed. And just like shattered glass, trust cannot be put back together to its original piece or appearance, as there will always be markings and reminders that it has been broken before.

2. My Way or the Highway
The second relationship breaker is when one or both parties become too controlling and or possessive. There is a difference between stating what you prefer, and imposing on your partner what you like to happen.  The latter may lead to limiting and invading the rights, needs, and will of your partner. Consequently, this can lead to feelings of anger and annoyance, and may eventually cause the oppressed partner to either get out of the relationship or to stray.

3. Outside Interference
There is a movie catchphrase that goes “what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas”. Same thing holds true for relationships. Any issue or problems encountered by the couple should be known and discussed within the relationship. It should not be broadcasted to friends and even family, without the knowledge of the other person. Instead of ranting to one’s friends and family, the problem or issue should be discussed with your partner.

4. Me, Myself and I
Being selfish in a relationship can be seen in the simplest things – like monopolizing the TV. This can be toxic to a relationship as the other person may feel deprived or unimportant or even resentful. Relationships involve two people. As such, when doing or deciding on something, one should take into consideration his/her partner.

5. The Doormat Complex
This is the opposite of number 4. In as much as you should give consideration to your partner, it is also equally important to factor in one’s own needs and desires to keep the relationship healthy. Relationship martyrs often feel unhappy and burned out. It is important to stand up for oneself, and effectively communicate one’s needs to one’s partner so that it can also be taken care of.

6. Attack and Abuse
Attack and abuse can take many forms – it can be verbal, emotional, physical, and even sexual. But regardless of what form it takes, any kind of hostile behavior against one’s partner is simply unacceptable. If not managed properly, this can cause a permanent separation between the couple. Difficult as it may seem, especially when disagreements arise, it is important to keep calm and avoid aggressive behavior during talks.

7. Scapegoating:
All of us have gone through some irritating and frustrating moments in our lives. It is ok to share and discuss those moments with our partner, but it is not okay to vent out our anger and frustration on them. Instead of using one’s partner as a scapegoat, it would be better to meet and address the real cause of one’s anger and frustration.

8. Great(er) Expectations:
Relationships usually start great but things get sour if there are expectations that are not met. There are times when we expect or demand too much from our partner, even if we knew from the start of the relationship, that these expectations cannot and will not really happen. Expectations should be managed carefully.

9. Failing to Stop, Look, and Listen:
Having a relationship can be compared to raising a plant or a pet. It cannot survive if one or both partners neglect the needs of the other person. It cannot survive without the right amount of attention, affection, and TLC (tender-loving care). Oftentimes, we neglect people because of our busy schedules. Finding quality time with our partners helps nurture the relationship and keep it strong and vibrant.

10. Familiarity breeds contempt:
When a relationship has been ongoing for a span of time, the couple may feel too comfortable with each other, that the relationship and everything that happens within it becomes a routine. The original “spark” that ignited the relationship has died down, which leads to the relationship hitting a plateau and everything becomes predictable and monotonous. Couples should find ways to rekindle that spark and make an effort to somehow incorporate small changes and surprises to their usual routine to make it more interesting and appealing to each other.

To sum it up, in any relationship (be it a romantic one or not), it is always nice to remember the Golden Rule – Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Love and treat people the same way you want to be loved and treated. Have a love-filled month everyone! :)


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