Surviving Single Parenthood

The article below is my contribution to our office newsletter/ezine for the month of May. I want to share it with the readers of this blog, especially in case I have single parent readers. 


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Parenthood is not a simple stroll in the park. Similar to a farmer who nourishes a seed to become a full tree or plant, the mother and father nurtures a child to become a responsible adult someday. However, sometimes there are unforeseen circumstances which push an individual to become a single parent. At this stage, the individual takes on the role of both the mother and father in rearing a child. The role is doubled, and so are the challenges.

Below are a few tips on how to live through single parenthood.

1. Have a good support system:

Being a mom or a dad per se is difficult. What more if you have to take up a double-role of being both. Having a good support system of family and friends whom you can trust does not only provide a single parent some moral support, but can also serve as an extended pair of arms and legs whenever the single parent has so much tasks in his/her hand.

2. Make and Find time for Yourself:

Too often single parents are very much occupied with work and raising their kids, that they have less time for themselves. Setting up some personal “me-time” allows the single parent to rest and recharge – thus feeling less burnt out. A single parent can also learn new skills aside from the work he/she has been used to. This would allow him/her to not only have time for him/herself, but also to improve him/herself.

3. Always be Prepared:

A bottle of water, some snacks, an extra pair of clothes, some tissue or napkin, hand sanitizer or alcohol, a small toy or book to keep the little ones busy. With kids around, being prepared is always a must for parents. But by being a single parent, being prepared becomes a sole responsibility. It is important that whenever you and your child leave home, the “essential stuff” (i.e. the items listed in the first statement) is always within reach.

4. Maintain a Positive Attitude:

Having the task to juggle work, paying the bills, taking care of the home, and solely raising a child can become overwhelming and can sometimes stress out any single parent. It is always important to have a positive attitude if you’re a single parent.  When things get out of hand, a single parent can maintain a journal just to have an outlet to vent out all the negative feelings.  Children learn from their parents. And we want our kids to grow up having an optimistic “can-do” mindset.

5. Live Within Your Means:

Part of being a single parent is handling financial matters on your own, whether it is paying the bills at home or shouldering your child’s education. It is an important for any single parent to learn the necessary budgeting skills, spending wisely, as well as making sound financial decisions to save for the future.

6. Spend Quality Time With Your Kid(s):

This is one, if not the most, important part of this list. Spending quality time with your son or daughter does not only meet the child’s need for attention, but it allows the single parent to have some meaningful interaction. This meaningful interaction would allow the single parent to learn more about his/her child and sometimes, even about him/herself. Quality time need not always be expensive and extravagant. A good chitchat over dinner, or some weekend at the movies or arcade, or picnic at the park are good examples.

To summarize, single parenthood is definitely not for the faint of heart or those who fear responsibility. A single parent should be able to have the compassion and tenderness of a mother, and combine it with the steadfastness and the discipline skills of a father. But the rewards have always been great. Being able to see your child grow up successfully and knowing in your heart that you were able to do it on your own, is a reward any single parent can be truly proud of.

Special Note:

The author of this article is a single parent to an 8-year old boy.  The article includes the author’s personal insights and take on surviving (and thriving) as a single parent.

3 Lessons From my Mama

It's a few more days before Mother's Day (May 12). As I watch my mom go through her daily routine, I realized how fast time flies. So fast, that I also realized I am now a mother myself. In my 30++ years of being with my mom, and the 7 years of being a mom myself, there are 3 character-defining lessons which I learned from my own mother:

Fight fair. My mom and I has always been the feisty-in-the-right-sense type. As an old local saying would go, "kapag may katwiran, ipaglaban mo..." (i.e. If the reason is valid, fight for it). Our school had raised us that way. We would not usually take things sitting down, especially if the fault was obvious. But despite her being feisty, my mom would always remind us not to take advantage of the situation, even if we had the upper hand. Fight fair and be fair. Listen to both sides of the story before passing judgment. Think of what the other person will feel if you were in his/her shoes.

Respect the differences among people. People have different views and opinions on different things. If a person's opinions are different from the mainstream, it does not necessarily mean he/she is wrong. Perhaps, he/she is just dancing to a different beat. There were instances at home wherein the family is divided over a certain topic. Being the conventional thinker and the head of the family, my father usually speaks his mind and his views are usually the traditional conservative response. My mother, on the other hand, is the non-conventional thinker, the "challenger" to my father's POV, saying that there could be other circumstances that  led to the particular situation or issue to happen. The admirable thing about this is, she is able to do so in a manner in which mutual respect and open-mindedness is still maintained.

Live without any regrets. At the end of the day, it all boils down to what makes you genuinely happy. That kind of "genuinely happy" wherein you don't mind what people think of you, or what the norms or the standards are, as long as you find  happiness in it, and that you did not step on other people's feet just to reach that happiness. When I decided to take a shift in my career, I knew my family and some of my friends would think different of it. My mom simply asked me 2 questions, "Magiging masaya ka ba sa gagawin mo?" (i.e. Will you be happy with your decision?) and "May matatapakan ka ba sa magiging desisyon mo?" (i.e. Will you be stepping on someone's foot with your decision?). I answered the first question on the affirmative, while the second on the negative. I explained what my priorities are which made me decide on the career shift. After she heard my answers and my explanation, she just nodded, as if saying that I have her blessing. No more further questions asked.

To my everdearest Mama (a.k.a. Mudra, Mudrakels, Mamuuu), I now understand how difficult yet fulfilling a mother's role is. For all it's worth, I would like to thank you for all your sacrifices and for the wisdom that you've imparted to us your kids, most especially to me, your daughter who's now a mom myself. I hope that when my own son grows up, I too, can raise him the way you raised us. Nobody's perfect, but I guess you did an awesome job as a mom. Whatever values I possess now, I definitely learned it from you. I will always cherish all these and will always love you. Advance Happy Mother's Day! :)

Project 365: Jan. 17, 2011 (day017): Comfort Corner

During those moments when I get angry at him, my son Zion runs to one corner of our bed - the Comfort Corner. This is the corner wherein I or his nanny stacks all his pillows and stuff toys after he wakes up in the morning or from his afternoon naps. Whenever I get angry at him, he runs to this corner, hugs one of his pillows or stuff toys while sobbing. And as his mom, once I see him snugged and snobbing in this corner, my anger and infuriation slowly slips away, as my "mommy side" takes over.

Project 365: Jan.03, 2011 (day003) - Blowin' Bubbles

My son Zion has one favorite toy here at home. Since I don't know the "technical term" for this toy, I call it the "bubble maker", because that's what it does - create bubbles from the soapy liquid inside a bright green bottle. Sometimes I enjoy watching Zion blow those bubbles. It brings back memories of my own childhood. Well it was quite crude then. We had to pick gumamela flowers, pound these flowers, and mix it with powdered detergent soap and water. For the round "mold", my childhood buddies and I would usually get some piece from our walis tingting (i.e. broom), turn one of the ends to form a circle for our bubbles. Kids of today are lucky. No need for all these preparations. They can just ask their moms/dads to buy it from the malls.

Project 365: Jan. 02, 2011 (day002) - Zion's Tail

For the day2 entry of my Project 365 endeavor, I am featuring again my son Zion. I must admit that he (Zion) helps a lot in this project. As I've told a buddy, hindi ka mauubusan ng possible shots para sa Project 365 kapag may kasama kang bata sa bahay. For today, I just noticed that my son's "tail" is quite long. This "tail" has been his natural hair ever since he was born. We just ask the barber to do a little trimming if we notice that it is getting frizzy. If we have time, we usually braid this tail. But if we are in a hurry, we just tie it to come up with a ponytail.

My Photoshop Attempt (Non-Digiscrapping)

Today was the start of my Desktop Publishing class at Nego-Skwela in Quezon City. We will be tackling the basics of Adobe Photoshop and Corel Draw for the next 3 days. I already have an idea as to how Adobe Photoshop works, but my idea is only limited to using Adobe Photoshop in digital scrapbooking (see my WaRpEd & TwIsTeD digital scrapbook site). I really haven't maximized its powers by using it for photo-editing and its image adjustment powers. So today's discussion was really exciting. I get to learn the crafty art of extraction, image adjustment (i.e. remove unwanted marks or blemishes, make people look sexier or bloated in their pics, replacing the faces in existing photos). I must say I still have a llllllllooooooootttt to learn and lllllooooottttttttssss of practice to do. But I guess, today was a good start. Hopefully, I'll get to learn more things in the next 2 days. So to give you an idea of how crazy my Photoshop talent could be, just look at the naughty poster that I've created for my brother who has just joined the ROTC corps in their school.

Facebook Family Addiction

This will be a short post. I just can't help but blog about it, since it's really becoming the "in" thing here at home.

An old saying goes,"The family that prays together, stays together". Well, let me modify this a little to describe my family's current "addiction" - the family that plays together, stays together.

This is so true for my family now. Lately, almost all of us are addicted to various applications in Facebook - my brother had chosen to establish his own eatery/carinderia (sorry bro, yours really look like a carinderia.. hehehe.. Ü) at Restaurant City; my mom tries her hand raising cows, growing rice paddies and strawberry fields at FarmVille; and I get to pursue my dream to burn rubber in Street Racing. Not that my Dad has no participation at all, but having experienced life as a farmer in the province, he advises my mom on how to setup her crops in FarmVille. It was fun watching my parents while they are discussing on which crops should be near each other, and which animals should be placed far from the crops. My mom grew in the city, so she listens intently to my Dad's advice. From a distance one would think that they are seriously discussing about the planned family business or the budget for the week. But try to come closer, and you can hear them discuss about rice paddies, cows, cattle, and strawberry fields.

As for me and my brother, we're quite contented with the "domains" we have chosen. My brother maintains his carinderia (I mean restaurant.. tee hee!!) very well, sometimes asking me or my cousin the answer to the secret question to get the ingredient of the day. After playing with Restaurant City for quite sometime, he has acquired this sense of order in arranging his restaurant furnitures and fixtures (i.e. the toilet is no longer located at the center of the dining tables nor close to the stove). As for me, I am still in the process of recruiting more peeps to have a larger crew, upgrading my ZYN-OIL NSX and Nissan Supra race cars, buying cars and properties to increase my stash, and most importantly race and race and race, to reach my ultimate goal - the Skilled LA Street Champ title.

I may setup my own farm, barn, or eatery (or restaurant, depending on how it would look like) one of these days, and my brother might try his hands in racing. Unfortunately, I can't say the same thing for my Mom. She gave up on Street Racing the first time she tried it. It's not her cup of tea, daw. Hopefully, she'll be able to detach herself from the other farm-related apps in Facebook and try some other games. Till then, we'll be stuck in our little worlds, drowning in this addiction we all love.

Gotta go now... Just noticed that my Health, Gas, and Adrenaline are now replenished... Ciao! :-)