Top 10 Relationship Wreckers

I wrote the article below for the February issue of our office newsletter. I was having second thoughts attending that huddle meeting for the February issue, as I already have an inclination that the February issue will be about love and relationships - two topics that I try to stay away from as much as possible. But the good employee side of me took over, and writing has been a good therapy for me, so I still attended the huddle meeting. And true enough, love and relationship was the theme of our February issue. I was again assigned the Top 10 topic - and this time, it was Top 10 relationship wreckers. I've checked and researched on several websites, and came up with the list and article below. I just realized that these are indeed eye-openers. How I wish I knew them before I got into those 3 failed relationships (one of which I consider as somehow the One who got away). Oh well.. useless crying over spilled milk. Perhaps, I'll keep these items in mind if ever I will still be fortunate enough to fall in love again..

February ushers in the spirit of love and relationships as Cupid paints the town red on Valentine’s Day. Indeed love and relationships are splendored things albeit the fact that they are fragile as glass or thin ice. In this top 10 issue, we look into some of the reasons why that fragile glass can get shattered.

1. The Cheating Hearts
This item should indeed be on the #1 slot. Trust is the foundation of any relationship. Cheating and dishonesty in the relationship breaks this basic foundation and makes the parties involved feel betrayed. And just like shattered glass, trust cannot be put back together to its original piece or appearance, as there will always be markings and reminders that it has been broken before.

2. My Way or the Highway
The second relationship breaker is when one or both parties become too controlling and or possessive. There is a difference between stating what you prefer, and imposing on your partner what you like to happen.  The latter may lead to limiting and invading the rights, needs, and will of your partner. Consequently, this can lead to feelings of anger and annoyance, and may eventually cause the oppressed partner to either get out of the relationship or to stray.

3. Outside Interference
There is a movie catchphrase that goes “what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas”. Same thing holds true for relationships. Any issue or problems encountered by the couple should be known and discussed within the relationship. It should not be broadcasted to friends and even family, without the knowledge of the other person. Instead of ranting to one’s friends and family, the problem or issue should be discussed with your partner.

4. Me, Myself and I
Being selfish in a relationship can be seen in the simplest things – like monopolizing the TV. This can be toxic to a relationship as the other person may feel deprived or unimportant or even resentful. Relationships involve two people. As such, when doing or deciding on something, one should take into consideration his/her partner.

5. The Doormat Complex
This is the opposite of number 4. In as much as you should give consideration to your partner, it is also equally important to factor in one’s own needs and desires to keep the relationship healthy. Relationship martyrs often feel unhappy and burned out. It is important to stand up for oneself, and effectively communicate one’s needs to one’s partner so that it can also be taken care of.

6. Attack and Abuse
Attack and abuse can take many forms – it can be verbal, emotional, physical, and even sexual. But regardless of what form it takes, any kind of hostile behavior against one’s partner is simply unacceptable. If not managed properly, this can cause a permanent separation between the couple. Difficult as it may seem, especially when disagreements arise, it is important to keep calm and avoid aggressive behavior during talks.

7. Scapegoating:
All of us have gone through some irritating and frustrating moments in our lives. It is ok to share and discuss those moments with our partner, but it is not okay to vent out our anger and frustration on them. Instead of using one’s partner as a scapegoat, it would be better to meet and address the real cause of one’s anger and frustration.

8. Great(er) Expectations:
Relationships usually start great but things get sour if there are expectations that are not met. There are times when we expect or demand too much from our partner, even if we knew from the start of the relationship, that these expectations cannot and will not really happen. Expectations should be managed carefully.

9. Failing to Stop, Look, and Listen:
Having a relationship can be compared to raising a plant or a pet. It cannot survive if one or both partners neglect the needs of the other person. It cannot survive without the right amount of attention, affection, and TLC (tender-loving care). Oftentimes, we neglect people because of our busy schedules. Finding quality time with our partners helps nurture the relationship and keep it strong and vibrant.

10. Familiarity breeds contempt:
When a relationship has been ongoing for a span of time, the couple may feel too comfortable with each other, that the relationship and everything that happens within it becomes a routine. The original “spark” that ignited the relationship has died down, which leads to the relationship hitting a plateau and everything becomes predictable and monotonous. Couples should find ways to rekindle that spark and make an effort to somehow incorporate small changes and surprises to their usual routine to make it more interesting and appealing to each other.

To sum it up, in any relationship (be it a romantic one or not), it is always nice to remember the Golden Rule – Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Love and treat people the same way you want to be loved and treated. Have a love-filled month everyone! :)


---------------
Sources:
http://wemagazineforwomen.com/relationship-wreckers-10-faults-lethal-to-your-love-life/
http://www.askmen.com/top_10/dating/top-10-relationship-killers_10.html
http://www.relationshiptalk.net/10-relationship-killers-to-avoid-at-all-costs-2341.html
http://www.cognitive-therapy-associates.com/articles/top-10-relationship-wreckers/
http://omgtoptens.com/misc/relationships/top-10-relationship-wreckers/

Thoughts from A Single Parent - Part II

Today I got angry at Zion for being such a devilish little monster. He was throwing tantrums, screaming at the top of his voice, hurling his slippers and toys the way a ninja throws his shuriken (i.e. a ninja's deadly star-shaped weapon) during a fight. The reason for his going berserk? He just wants to watch Spongebob Squarepants… the whole day. Today I realized something. It is difficult to combine a mother’s compassionate nature, with the natural disciplinarian role of a father.

In our culture, it is expected for the mother to be the “soft” one – the family’s source of compassion, gentleness, and the calming breeze that soothes and relaxes the home. On the other hand, our culture dictates that the father should be the firmer one – the family’s source of strength, discipline, and the force that keeps the family going. This is how the traditional Filipino family is structured. This is the traditional family setup which dictates that the yin and yang roles of the father and the mother should be endowed on two separate individuals which are joined together in marriage. This is one dilemma a single parent like me faces. It is heart-breaking for any mother to spank and reprimand one’s child, no matter how impish the kid is. Blood has always been thicker than water. However, it would also be heart-breaking for any mother to see one’s child grow up as an irresponsible adult despised by society, because the child was not brought up properly. As a single parent, it is painful for me every time I have to spank Zion’s tiny hands even if he hurled his toys at me. As a mother, it hurts to verbally reprimand a 3-year old boy even if that 3-year old boy screams his lungs out because he’s not allowed to watch Spongebob 24 hours a day. Somehow, despite their kids’ obnoxious behavior and tantrums, a mother always has a heart for her little ones. But as a single parent, I know that I would rather spank my son’s hands now (and instill in him discipline) than to see those hands in handcuffs in the future. I would rather verbally reprimand my son now (and tell him he’s wrong) than to hear other people throw negative criticisms about him when he grows up. I would rather see him crying now because we are trying to straighten his ways, than to see him grieving in jail in the future because of the lack of discipline when he was young.

Indeed, it is difficult to be a mother and father rolled into one. Not only on the financial aspect. But even on discipline matters. But at the end of every “bout” Zion and I have, I always try to explain myself to my son, "Love does not mean I will always allow you to have what you want. It doesn’t mean that I won’t enforce discipline whenever it is needed. Love means that I will try to raise you the best way I could, to make you a better individual, a God-fearing person, and a productive citizen of this nation."...